Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

The sadness was still there.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

After 19 Years of Trying, She's Pregnant—Thanks to AI - Newser

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Why are some people afraid of monsters?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are like me, then.

Are there legal obligations to report the known whereabouts of a missing person that doesn’t want to be found?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

And the sadness?

Sean Combs Trial: Second Mistrial Motion, 'Freak-Off' Audio and Peek Inside Mogul's Bank Accounts - Rolling Stone

Be who you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

PWHL SEATTLE SIGNS HILARY KNIGHT TO ONE-YEAR CONTRACT | PWHL - Professional Women's Hockey League - PWHL

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Texas woman died after rinsing sinuses with infected tap water — here’s how to keep yourself safe - New York Post

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s still here.

Does wearing earbuds cause potential physical health problems as the dirty, bacteria laden slabs of wax get pushed up into the ear canal and can't come out? You tell me. I'm not a doctor or nuthin'.

I was tired of fighting.

I was tired of trying and failing.

I had run out of hope.

Rare Red Sprite Photographed in Tibet Dazzles Social Media - PetaPixel

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

So THAT'S Why Mosquitoes Bite Some People More Than Others - BuzzFeed

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.